On being an ass
There seem to be two kinds of kindness: genuine kindness and intentioned kindness.
Genuine kindness flows from the heart. The output (effort, words, thought) is imbued with compassion, a desire to serve.
Intentioned kindness, on the other hand, has an ulterior motive. "What's in it for me?" asks the slithery self. The kindness is just a means to an end.
This latter kindness is manipulative, self-serving, and insincere.
Rule of thumb to myself: if you think you're being kind, you're probably being an ass. Genuine kindness isn't aware of itself. It doesn't see its effort as kind.
There also seem to be two forms of asshood: known and oblivious. The latter is far more insidious.
Knowing you're being an ass at least opens the door to an alternate path. Obliviousness precludes all hope.